it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Randomize
