She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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