meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am spending my child support on dildos
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize