HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize