What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
