did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
