In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
