dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
