she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
