my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
