Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
