see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
