Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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