i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
