Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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