cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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