How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
