why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
