The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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