The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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