Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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