Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
