we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
