I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
