'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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