He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
