sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She's JV to your varsity
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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