he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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