we have officially lost it.
I wish I could teleport
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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