Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
