Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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