everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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