he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it was like eating out sand paper
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
