i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
