The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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