the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
