this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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