you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
