onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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