I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
