she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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