you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
