This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
