how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
