Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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