Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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