Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize