Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
