I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
