lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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