White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
