I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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