I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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