We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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