i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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