Soap is not a condiment
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
