if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
