He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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