This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
