I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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