we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
