I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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