Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
