You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
