I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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