you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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