i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
