he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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