i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
