New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
