My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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