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no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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